My Personal Neurology
Why do I think the way I do?
I’ve been listening to the autobiography of famed neurologist/author Oliver Sacks. A thought-provoking book, covering wide ranging topics, but the part that came home most notably to me is the evidence of how spectacularly unique is the neurological make-up of each human. This has cast light on many previously invisible (to me) aspects of my personality. becoming aware of these idiosyncrasies in my 70s is almost embarrassing, but also revealing. For example, for the past 3 or 4 years, I’ve been struck by the realization that I live with a certain level of what is normally termed “obsessive compulsive disorder”, or “OCD”. When I’ve brought up this realization, the most common response from friends is, “Well, Duh! You only just now noticed?” They find my lack of self-awareness notable. I’ve always been a “control freak” about my own affairs, though hopefully not about those of others. This new understanding makes me grateful to my kind friends who have endured me, and apologetic to others, in cases where I may speak out of turn, however helpful I may feel I’m trying to be.
Even more telling is the effect of my unique neurological limitations on my music. I’ve always been most comfortable as a solo guitarist. I seem capable of envisioning music almost exclusively on the 6 string guitar. Whereas friends may think primarily of their place in an ensemble, or of orchestral composition, I’ve mostly limited myself to the use of solo guitar as a stand-alone instrument. While I’m happy to be an accompanist, and to occasionally have someone accompany me, I’ve never taken the “obvious step” of creating a “Rolly Brown Quartet, or Trio. Recently I realized how well-suited my skill set could be to performing as the front man with a rhythm section (bass, drums, and piano), but it simply is not in my nature. That could be because of my introversion, or because my cognitive limitations discourage it. Either way, I reckon neurology is involved.
Likewise, as a composer, (i.e., a guy who makes up guitar tunes), I have particular strengths and weaknesses. My greatest strength, and years of interacting with students has shown me how uncommon this is, is my ability to think about several things at once on the guitar. I can be playing chords while topping it with a melody, and also be thinking of, and sometimes implementing, bass lines or internal (between bass and melody) melodies, all at once. We’re not talking “total freedom” by any stretch of the imagination, here, but it’s an interesting skill to have.
On the other hand, while I can sit down and roll out improvisational motifs on the guitar at will, I’m often unable to remember them long enough to create a repeatable structure, so I’m not that inclined to write very many instrumental pieces. And, because I can create them fairly easily, I don’t really value them enough to take the time and energy to develop them into complete pieces. This is not to say I haven’t written a couple dozen instrumentals that I’m fond of, but it seems not to be happening as much at this stage of life…I thought for a moment that this could be age-related memory loss, but surely not…
Now…what was I just saying???